you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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