O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Randomize