a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize
