I accidentally had phone sex last night
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Randomize
