Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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