He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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