I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Randomize
