Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Randomize
