We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize
