is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
