Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
