Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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