Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
