Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
