Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
