Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Two words: blizzard sex
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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