is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
