I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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