remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
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