The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
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