what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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