Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
