DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize