nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
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