I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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