Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
