I met the friendliest cop last night
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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