Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
