the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
