she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
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