One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
