How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
