Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
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