he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
