You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
