tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
