why didn't you poke me back
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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