i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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