She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
My breasts were aching with rage.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
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