I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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