Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
As shirtless as possible
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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