You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
