God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I think I sprained my soul last night
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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