Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I came so hard my ears popped.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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