Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
