I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
it glows. i had to have it.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
