apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
