Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
