yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Randomize
