You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
