just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I just want to make out with him forever
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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