yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
