Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Randomize
