Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Randomize
