that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
