So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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