Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize