oh fat girl friday strikes again...
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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