He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
