I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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