I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
your like the ambassador to my penis.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
