its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
