Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
it was like having sex with a tree stump
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
