We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize