My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Dicks are not precious.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Randomize
